Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Am I too sensitive? Am I a perfectionist?

Am I too sensitive?  Do I dwell too much on the negative?  Maybe everyone does this? 

Sometimes a coworker, friend or family member will make a comment.  Sometimes I think nothing about it at the time.  They may even be kidding.  Rationally, I know that I shouldn't take it personally. But emotionally, at that gut level, I feel like I'm to blame.  The comment  comes to me again at night, in the shower, at odd times when I'm doing something random. It hits me like a ton of bricks along with a whisper, "you are less than others."

I think some of it has to do with perfectionism. Maybe I can blame it on our society?  We want a Pinterest-perfect life that we can brag about on Facebook-- even when it's crumbling around our feet.  I rarely watch TV (unless it's something like Daniel Tiger or Netflix Friends). The last show I remember watching on TV was So You Think You Can Dance?  It was auditions or something and this dancer was talking about how he was creating a new style of dance, blending classical dance with some kind of street style.  I thought he would be great but he really bombed it.  He was so embarrassed afterwards and literally ran down the snowy city streets in shorts and a t-shirt. Think of it.  He put himself out there and then was rejected.  After he ran away, the judges kinda giggled and laughed at him.  My heart just broke for him.  How is this our entertainment-- and how can it be so acceptable to show this that no one has an uproar the next day?

I can talk the talk about giving others grace and forgiveness.  I encourage others to treat themselves as kindly as they treat others.  Here's my dirty little secret:  In the still of the night, in the quiet of home time, I do the opposite.

From here on, I am striving to turn these cringes over to God.  I am just a human.  An imperfect person in an imperfect body.  I sin, both intentionally and by mistake.  God knows it.  There are challenges in this world, people who intentionally make mean comments or try to tear others down.  I will remember, "Earth is not meant to be our home.  Heaven is where we belong".

 For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.  Hebrews 13:14 (NIV)

No comments:

Post a Comment